If
your Facebook feed is anything like mine, it’s filled with news about friends
who have had babies, gotten engaged and married. So while I was participating
in my ritual of Facebook peeping I was shocked to learn that an ex had gotten
married. My soul was dying and the Internet was to blame. There I was staring
endlessly at their FB status, and her name change with my jaw firmly planted on
the floor. Many of my exes have gotten married and I have wished them nothing
but wedded bliss and some have received cards that said so. But this was
different; this news put me in such a mood I felt as if I was auditioning for
an episode of ‘SNAPED’. This was rightfully the biggest injustice ever, how
dare he move on and find happiness leaving me single and alone.
When
our relationship ended I felt vulnerable, and shame. I questioned if I
possessed the capability to achieve life goals. Whether my friendships
were supportive enough, and whether it was time to rethink my relationship with
my family. I was agonizing about everything that was supposed to have happened
in my life including finding someone I cared about as much as him. I blamed the
planet for having way too many men on it to weed through. I would also like to
blame the human race for not inventing an I Want a Husband Store that is
conveniently open 24/7
A
fragment of my heart still ruptured knowing he was someone else's passion or
problem. But if I was so satisfied in my own world, why did I care so much about
his. I had an off and on relationship with this man for
two years, his presence made me re-examine my life, and he had became my
confidante. But he was also a liar, selfish, and had a way of making sure he
never had to be accountable for other people or their feelings. It was so easy
to romanticize the sex, and think about how it was the best sex I’d ever had.
Failing to remember that in reality it wasn’t that great…….. sorry but lying to
myself won’t help anyone. I would spend the next couple of days self indulging
in pity, beating myself up with the myriad of questions like were we supposed
to end up together? Is he the one that got away? Did I screw up the fated plan
of the cosmos by acting too selfish or busy or jealous or needy? Was that
the person I was supposed to marry?
Because
he married someone else, the answer is a resounding nope - he's not! He found
the right person for him. Congrats! The reality is that I’ve been spared. I
wasn’t right for him. Its time I move on with my life. They moved on with
theirs, it’s probably the best gift I could have given him and any other guy
that is not meant to be my husband.